Life-Work Balance in the Real World

Almost any time I read an article or hear someone speak about life work balance, the solution is the same—something along the lines of take a year off or take a long holiday and take your family with you. There are a lot of people who do not have the real time, budget, or desire to do these things. They may not have a “traditional family”, but have a family of friends, or are single people, single parents or are taking care of their own parents. And no one wants to wait for a big trip to have a sense of peace and balance—we want this every day and in everything we do.

So if you are not taking a year off, retiring at 35 or ready to move to a more quiet area, how can you gain live your life so that you will have sense of peace and balance?

Here are my suggestions:

Get rid of that old mantra that you have to do it alone. No one achieves professional success without help from others. Think of the people who are your friends, family and colleagues as your personal community and get over any reluctance to ask for help.

Community brainstorm session. Invite some of these personal community members to your house, tell them that you are feeling overwhelmed, tired, overworked, stressed and out of balance. Ask them to share their own best practices and ideas of how to adapt a few to your life.

Let your community offer their resources. When my partner of 18 years passed away and I became a single mother of an 8 year old boy, I had no idea how I could continue speaking across the country, do what was necessary to run my business and stay sane. Friends and colleagues came together and helped create a community for my son. People were willing to stay overnight and take him to activities while I was away or needed to attend meetings. My son gets taken to baseball games, movies and trips so that I get time to myself for reflection, exercise and socializing with adults. If you are a parent, this is when carpooling can be a good idea. If you don’t have children, and are feeling overwhelmed and you are working all the time, tell people in your personal community to come and get you for lunch, coffee, movie, etc. When they show up, make sure you go. The workaholic world will function without you for a few hours.

Become a better planner of work and personal time. Improve your planning skills. Buy tickets in advance for events, and go with other people, so you won’t cancel to catch up on paper work, or reading those important publications. There is a perception that if people don’t have a “family”, they don’t need to take time for themselves. Learn to be firm and say no to doing “favors” when you have other plans. Be strategic about meeting attendance. Don’t waste evenings or weekend time attending a meeting just because a colleague wants you to come along.

Limit distractions that take unnecessary time. Author and speaker Kate Berardo has learned to assess what she can do by e-mail rather than spend time on the phone. “Knowing how e-mail can be a distraction, I open my emails, red flag those that need immediate attention, and save the rest for the end of the day. I used to answer everything in the morning thinking I would just get it out of the way, but I would find myself not even beginning important work until 4:00 and it would be too late to contact any of my clients on the east coast or Europe.”

Learn to integrate fun activities with work. You need to set aside time to continue relationships with people you like. Too many people are eating their lunch at their desk or in their cars everyday. Have lunch once a week with a colleague or friend who works near you. If you travel a lot plan to visit someone you know who lives close to your destination or take some time to walk around. One good reason we have cell phones is so we don’t have to stay in our hotel rooms waiting for a call or in the office after hours when our work is done. When I work in areas where I have friends or family, or just want to visit, I bring my son. That way I get to spend time with him, see family, and share an experience. Even if you can’t take extra time, don’t schedule all of your meetings back to back. Make at least one meeting with yourself for at least an hour and get some air or just relax.

Know yourself. Don’t compare yourself to other people. Know what gjves you a sense of peace and balance and what makes you feel off kilter. If you relax by reading, get books you enjoy and set aside time for it. It makes a difference in your day if you do something relaxing right before sleep in order to wake up calm relaxed and stay focused. If you want more time to be with friends, put them on the schedule. Keep a notepad by your bed so your can write down those brilliant ideas that keep you awake all night. It will be easier to fall asleep once you write them down.

Wherever you go, bring yourself with you. It doesn’t make a difference if you are on a year-long cruise, relaxing at home or playing golf. If you do not know how to create an internal sense of balance you will feel the same as you always feel wherever you are. Take a slow deep breath whenever you are feeling rushed and overwhelmed. It will help slow up that feeling of always being rushed and thinking about the next task while you’re doing something else that needs your full attention. Take a break from multi-tasking and try doing one thing at a time. It might feel strange but you’ll be calmer, more productive and strangely enough you’ll get more done in less time.

Simma Lieberman works with people and organizations to create environments where people can do their best work. She specializes in diversity, gender communications, life-work balance and stress, and acquiring and retaining new customers.

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Call Simma at 510.527.0700 or Email simma@simmalieberman.com
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