STRESS MANAGEMENT Signs of Stress and Imbalance How To Break Through Fear in Turbulent Times What is Stress? Solving Problems in a High-Stress Environment Break Through Self-Doubt & Fear Let's Get Physical Holiday Stress Hotspots Make 2004 your Year of Organization Holiday Stress Hotspots Manage Stress by Stopping Obsessive or Unwanted Thoughts Meditate Stress Away Taking Stress for a Ride 3 Strategies to Reduce Stress Cleaning Up Stress; Control It, Change It or Let It Go! Substance Abuse The Courage to Feel Bad The Challenge of Change Tips for Managing Holiday Madness Modern Day Stressors: What Stress Looks Like in the 21st Century The Life Juggle: How to Find Lifework Balance New Year's Resolutions   CHANGE The Questions Leaders Should Ask Themselves about Change The Top Ten Ways to Manage People through Change Understanding Change The Challenge of Change   RUNNING A BUSINESS Be Heard. Be Strong. Be Effective. How to Deliver Impressive Presentations Getting Started in the Speaking Business: Answers to Burning Questions What Entrepreneurs Need to Know to be Successful How to Create and Maintain Culture as You Grow Recruitment and Retention of Diverse Candidates   DIVERSITY A Passion for Diversity Traits of a Diverse Organization Simma's Holiday Diversity Q and A How to Go from Eggshell Walking to Multicultural Festivity Making Are You Wasting Your Money on Diversity Training? Interview Bias: Overcoming the Silent Forces Working Against You How to Help LGBT Employees Help Your Organization Grow How to Integrate Diversity Into Your Business Strategy Diversity Benefits Organizations and Communities Diversity Fast Facts How to Integrate Diversity 10 PC Tips for Communicating with a Diverse Audience Are You Truly Successful? Interviewing Employees Who Stay Wage and Position Disparity Across Gender What Every Consultant Needs to Know About Diversity Consulting and Training Diversity Competency Assessment Recruitment and Retention of Diverse Candidates Understanding Diversity Dialogues Dialogue as a Communication Tool Amongst Diverse Groups of People Communicating across Generations in the Workplace Simma & Kate's Strategies for Cross-Generational Relationship Building Valuing Diversity during the Holidays   COMMUNICATION Understanding Dialogue: A Q&A on the benefits of dialogue Dialogue as a Communication Tool Communication with Concern Helping Others Deal with Loss 10 PC Tips for Communicating with a Diverse Audience Tips for Better Communication Between Men and Women in the Workplace Understanding Diversity Dialogues Dialogue as a Communication Tool Amongst Diverse Groups of People Simma & Kate's Strategies for Cross-Generational Relationship Building Web Site Tips   GENDER COMMUNICATION Differences in Male and Female Communication Styles Gender Communications Differences and Strategies Wage and Position Disparity across Gender Tips for Better Communication between Men and Women in the Workplace   WORK/LIFE BALANCE Life/Work Balance in the Real World New Year's Resolutions: A New Approach? Working with Loved Ones: Leverage Potential and Avoid Pitfalls Modern Day Stressors: What Stress Looks Like in the 21st Century The Life Juggle: How to Find Lifework Balance   RESTAURANT & HOSPITALITY All in the Family Are You Truly Successful? How to Create and Maintain the Culture of Your Restaurants Let's Get Physical Meditate Stress Away Taking Stress for a Ride The Challenge of Change 3 Strategies to Reduce Stress Cleaning Up Substance Abuse   FEAR & SELF-DOUBT Break Through Self-Doubt & Fear Substance Abuse The Courage to Feel Bad

Helping Others Deal with Loss   by Simma Lieberman Helping a loved one through a significant loss, be it the death of a loved one, a divorce, the loss of a job, or a change in health can be extremely difficult. Many people get caught in awkward cliches ("Life goes on" or "You'll get through this") because they lack the right words and feel helpless seeing people they care about suffer. Learn to effectively help your colleagues, employees and friends deal with loss with these steps. 1. Be a good listener. This is one of the most important things you can do. Help others feel safe talking with you about what they are experiencing and feeling. Listen for feeling in their tone, use of words, and expressions. Let that person know that you are here to do just that, listen. This can be very reassuring for someone going through a significant loss. 2. Be patient. Bereavement of any kind is consuming. It may be too hard to socialize, focus or pretend that everything is ok. If you allow your friends, colleagues or employees to go through the process with patience they will be more productive and get through it in a healthy way. It is appropriate for them to feel deeply sad in these situations, which can be extremely difficult to see in someone you care about. You may feel like softly pushing them through the process by trying to help them become productive or focus on other things. These pushes, though well- intentioned, can be counterproductive. If given the space, people will become productive when they are emotionally ready. 3. Refrain from giving unsolicited advice. It is natural to want to help fix the situation your friend or colleague may be facing, but this is a tricky process. To begin with, some things cannot be fixed, like the death of a loved one or divorce. In addition, some advice may be more harmful than helpful. While some people will feel supported and empowered by friends expressing that they believe "you'll get through it," "you are strong," or you just need to "think positive," this can shut many people down. When people don't feel strong or positive and are being told that this is how they should act, they may withdraw more to "hide" their true emotions, which won't help them with the grieving process. Similarly, avoid "tough love" approaches. These will only alienate the individual. Allow them to grieve. Don't push your spiritual path on others, even though you do it out of love and concern. If the individual has a spiritual path that is working for them, encourage it. 4. Help with the small things. During bereavement, even small tasks like cooking meals or doing laundry can seem like monumental challenges. You can support a friend or colleague by making their daily life easier. Bring over dinner, cook a meal for them, help with childcare, or help fix things in their house or apartment. Keep them company if they don't want to be alone. Act as a sounding board. Send cards to help your friend feel supported, or send them a certificate for a house cleaning or other helpful service. 5. Ask how you can help. Every individual will have somewhat different needs during these times. Make it clear that you are dedicated and available to help as much as you can. Make this offer often and strong (use "What do you need right now?" instead of "Is there anything I can do?") so your colleague or friend can easily take you up on it. A sincere offer alone can help this individual feel your support. At some time you or someone you know will go through a loss. It can include the death of a loved one, divorce, death of a pet, loss of a job, or even the pain of loss if your co-workers have been laid off. Different types of loss might merit different degrees of action, but no matter what the loss it's important to be a good listener. People who are experiencing serious loss are going through the grieving process which is different than other experiences. If you are able to listen, give emotional, time or material support and show some real understanding you will help them get through this period and they in turn will be able to help you when you are in the same kind of need. Dealing with Loss Yourself If it is your loss, be easy on yourself. Know that is ok to be deeply sad. Take time for yourself, seek out support groups, supportive friends and /or supportive counseling. Don't take inappropriate advice personally. Know that people mean well, but also know that you don't have to listen to them. Let them know what you do need from them if they ask. Each loss is unique and no one knows exactly how you are feeling except you. Seek out those who have experienced similar losses and have recovered from them. Ask them what steps they took and decide if that is appropriate for you. My self-destruction finally resulted in a breakdown of my physical health and I had to be hospitalized and undergo major surgery. Doctors told me what I already knew: I had to make a major change. It was time to look at my past and my present and to decide what I wanted for my future. If I didn't break through negative thoughts I would always stay where I was. May, 2003 Simma Lieberman works with people and organizations to create environments where people can do their best work. She specializes in diversity, gender communications, life-work balance and stress, and acquiring and retaining new customers. You may reprint these articles free of charge, on a non-exclusive basis, provided that Simma Lieberman's name and contact information are included. She would love to know that you plan to use her article(s); please contact her to let her know. Call Simma at 510.527.0700 or Email simma@simmalieberman.com Visit her website at www.simmalieberman.com FREE subscription to the Lieberman Learning Letter Receive a monthly e-newsletter with tips from Simma's workshops and programs. Topics include diversity, stress management, gender communications, and work life balance. Email:   Back to top

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